In the last issue, the argument was made that biblical courtship, rather than dating, is a better means of choosing a marriage partner. Courting should only ever happen when two people feel that they have found someone they can foresee themselves marrying one day. Even before two people become a couple, they should each consider whether the person they are attracted to will make a good spouse based on the following traits.
1) Core Values – Loves and Fears God: The most important priority for a Christian in a marriage partner is that the other person has the same spiritual values. This means that the person is a Christian and places Christ in the center of his or her life. Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 6:14, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”
2) Character: The person should possess an upright and righteous character. Does the person reflect Jesus’ teachings through his or her life?
3) Communication: The person should be someone you can communicate with. Is the person easy to talk to and clear to understand? If you have a hard time understanding each other, you’ll become frustrated, which can lead to arguments. Is the person open and honest when it comes to what he or she is thinking and feeling?
4) Competency: Does the person have a similar education to you? Do his or her plans for education and career choices fit with what you would want your spouse to have?
5) Commitment: Does the person display commitment? Is the person committed to God and his or her faith community? Does the person attend worship services regularly? Is the person committed to his or her parents, family, and friends? You can expect them to treat you the same way. Will the person be someone who will be committed and faithful to you?
6) Culture: Does the person have a similar cultural background to you? If not, will that be a problem in the future? Does the person’s family have norms and expectations that are very different than yours? If yes, these differences are likely to become even more noticeable after marriage. This is especially true when children enter the picture. People usually want to raise their children the same way that they were raised. Will that be a problem?
These are just a few important things to keep in mind when you’re looking for a marriage partner. Of course, the most essential is their love for God and their commitment to Him. On several occasions, I have said to our youth group that the person you want to marry one day should be the kind of person that you are. People often attract those who are like themselves. If you don’t serve God, have a terrible character, are a poor communicator, and are not committed or trustworthy, that’s likely the kind of person that you’ll attract. We need to be sure that we’re the type of person that would one day be a great husband or wife. If we do that, we are well on our way to finding a great spouse, as long as we seek and trust the Lord’s leading.
To be continued…
David Knelsen
Hamilton, ON
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