People who wish to find the secret of a happy marriage usually prioritize their own happiness. Of course, they want everyone in the family to be happy, but primarily they want a good relationship for the sake of their own well-being. Sayings like “Whoever seeks to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it” (Luke 17:33) seem paradoxical. It is the spirit of our times that teaches us to put me, myself, and I first. Yet Jesus taught His disciples the opposite. When they wanted to know who was the greatest among them, He showed them that the real secret of being great was to put others first.
Jesus said: “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant” (Matthew 20:25-26). And in Luke 22:25-26, He said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles exercise lordship over them, and those who exercise authority over them are called ‘benefactors.’ But not so among you; on the contrary, he who is greatest among you, let him be as the younger, and he who governs as he who serves.”
Yet Jesus giving them this command did not instantly transform His disciples. It was not until the day of Pentecost, when they were filled with the Holy Spirit, that this was no longer just an external commandment, but was something written on their hearts. How can anyone love God with all their heart, and their neighbor like themselves? It is by the power of the Holy Spirit. “…because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us” (Romans 5:5).
If the husband loves his wife more than himself and cares more about her well-being and happiness than his own, and if the wife loves her husband more than herself and cares more about him than herself, then we have a heavenly marriage. Yet such an attitude is counter-intuitive to human nature. Yet, it is possible if “the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit” (Romans 5:5).
Paul writes “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Husbands will not do this unless they are filled with the Spirit of God. Do you love your spouse more than yourself? Ask God to fill you with His Spirit and your love will increase. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23). Again, for a happy marriage these are the attributes God has for you. Do not seek them in your spouse, rather ask God to fill you with His Spirit so you can demonstrate them.
A Christian marriage is not just a union of a man and a woman. It is a covenant before God and with God. I wrote the following poem that my wife read at our wedding. The poem underlines the third person in a Christian marriage, which is God.
Wedding Prayer
Our God and our Father, grant us we pray,
The strength we need, to overcome day by day
All the temptations that come our way.
Give us your love, deep in our hearts,
To you, and to each other,
That we three never may part.
Deep in our souls, enraptured we feel
Your peace that passes all understanding;
And humbly we kneel,
In thankful adoration.
On two separate roads in the past we have trod.
The divided highway now ends,
And united by God
Together the future we’ll spend.With a song on our lips,
With love in our hearts,
And with peace in our souls,
Today we will start our way,
We three together, to stay.
God is with His children through his Holy Spirit. Jesus told His disciples in John 14:16-17, “I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever—the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.”
If we totally consecrate ourselves to God, He is willing and eager to fill us with His Spirit. Jesus says, “a tree is known by its fruit” (Matthew 12:33). As we’ve seen, “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). If the Holy Spirit lives in us, then our family will be aware of it. Our colleagues will notice it, and our neighbors will see a difference in us. All of this is not our doing, but God’s power given by His Spirit. It is to give God glory in all we do and are.
Gerry Mielke
Hamilton, ON
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